This is the one where I turn 25. Now, I know it may not seem like a milestone for everyone, but it’s pretty damn big for me.
So, to honor these last 25 years I’ve put together 25 life lessons I’ve learned in 25 years.
*Readers 21+ take a shot every time I say 25* -might be fun
1. Friends will come and go, but the ones that are truly your friends will always be there: This is a life lessons that I’ve only recently accepted. I genuinely had a fear of losing friends when I was younger and adults would always say you know your friends aren’t always going to be there. Growing up I would always shrug it off and explain that they had no idea what they were talking about. Of course know it all me was wrong. I went through a phase where I stopped talking to 96% of my friends. We were all in different places in our lives and just grew apart. Which is totally natural, but I also realized that it felt like I really didn’t have friends. I was no longer talking to a core group that had been with me since I was 12, a group who got me through all my teenage angst and teenage crises. Once I had graduated college I wasn’t talking to girls that I had lived with for years. I also wasn’t talking to people that I saw almost daily. I had a self-pity moment because we all deserve a self-pity moment. Then I realized I have a solid 5 people in my life; that I can always without a doubt in my mind count on. Three of those people have been in my life for as long as I can remember and no matter what we’ve been through we’ve always had each other. We went to different colleges, some of us in different states, and live wildly different live. But we always make time for one another. That’s what being a friend is. A true friend understands that life happens and makes time to be there. They’ll also be there when an S.O.S is sent, but you know what I mean. I found the other two people while in college and even though we haven’t known each other quite as long, I know they’d have my back no matter what. I have numerous all-nighters and late night diner runs to prove it. They’ll be there for me, even if it’s only for a bagel and coffee. It’s super cliché, but I personally believe that people truly come into your life for a reason and once that reason is fulfilled everything moves on. It’s never about the quantity of friends it’s always the quality of friends.
2. Your first love will hurt, but it’ll be okay it and no matter how much it hurts it won’t kill you {even if it feels like the end of the world}: If I could go back and tell my teenage self one thing it would be this. I was a high school sweetheart trope and honestly I wouldn’t have it any other way. It was a whirlwind of emotions and experiences that lasted for a while. It was a relationship way beyond our years, but I feel like it prepared me for more adult experiences. When it reached its breaking point, it had become volatile and toxic. Neither one of us wanted to admit it; we both loved each other in such a passionate way. Unfortunately those lines started to blur. One of my bigger struggles within that relationship was fear. I was afraid to be without him. I’d become so dependent on him I didn’t think I could function without him. That’s not okay and it’s definitely not healthy. It hurt like hell when it was over. It truthfully felt like I had lost a massive part of me and I guess in a way I had. But like everything, it got better in time.
3. Don’t let fear keep you from participating or trying: If I could spread one message, I think it would be this one. I completely understand, it’s easier said than done. But, I can assure you when you’re older you may regret or wish that you had participated or tried more. I don’t have enough fingers to count all of the times I should have pushed myself past my fears and insecurities. Full disclosure, I have no regrets about how my life has turned out, but those fears followed me, as I got older. Pushing past my fears, insecurities, and self-doubt is a continuous battle and there are times where I just accept things as they are as oppose to trying for more. Personally, I’ll be fighting this battle for the rest of my life. Don’t be like me. I’m trying to be less like me in that sense. Don’t wait until your mid-twenties to put faith in yourself and push yourself past your insecurities. Fear can be consuming and it’s really easy to talk yourself out of something vs. talking yourself into something, but that exhilarating sensation that comes after fear is worth it. Taking pride in pushing yourself will take you much further than fear.
4. If more than one person is telling you something: –majority rules. Young me never understood this concept. She simply assumed the whole world was crazy. You know what? She was the crazy. The world was the only sane one. I was crazy to think that I knew anything about anything. I had a good 10 people telling me I needed to step back and reevaluate what I was doing. Could I be bothered? No, not in slightest. I know it’s easy for me to sit here a good 7 or so years later and talk about how crucial majority rules is, but I also know it’s easy to be blinded in the moment. Whatever the circumstances may be. With that being said, my rule of thumb: if 3 or more people are telling you the same thing, they’re definitely the voice of reason.
5. Do not let anyone make you feel inadequate: I want this lit up on a billboard overlooking every major highway throughout the country. I’ve spent most of my life feeling inadequate and if I’m being honest I still feel that from time to time. That’s not to say that people didn’t encourage me or try to instill a sense of confidence in me, but for some reason the bad always has a way of canceling out the good. No one has any right to make you feel less than amazing. I never understood how someone could unleash so much pain without hesitation. Until, someone put it this way: you’re someone who internalizes all of your pain and takes it out on yourself, while there are others who take their own pain & put it on you because it’s easier. That’s not okay and it’s definitely not fair. But, it does create a new perspective. All of us have insecurities that we deal with, even if we’re not willing to embrace or be honest about them. So, the next time someone is making you feel small and I know this is definitely another one of those much easier said than done moments, but take it at face value. Don’t give them the satisfaction. Keep your chin high and be your authentically amazing self. Cause chances are it’ll put them in their place.
6. Gaslighting is real: –checkout my post It’s not you, I promise for more!
7. You will make mistakes and that’s okay: I’m the queen of mistakes. If I had a nickel for every mistake I made, I’d be rich. I’m not sure if it’s an eldest sibling thing or I’m just naturally destined to mess up A LOT, but without my mistakes I wouldn’t be who I am today. We make mistakes to learn a lesson and grow into the truest form of ourselves. I’d be lying to all of you and myself if I said there weren’t mistakes that I wish I could take back. Life lesson or not some mistakes are better off not being committed. But, it’s also important to recognize a mistake, learn, and move on. There’s never a reason to harp on something you can’t change.
8. Listen to your instincts: Where is my true crime crew? This may very well be the true crime obsessed girl inside me speaking out, but instincts are there for a reason! Your instincts are there as a line of defense. They warn you when a situation is unsettling and uncomfortable, but your instincts are also a good judge of character; kind of like puppies. Listening to your instincts is in no way judging a book by its cover. It’s not just people that your instincts will warn you about. It could be a decision you’re making or a situation you’ve found yourself in. There has been one too many times I’ve ignored the warnings and completely bit it because I was too stubborn to pay attention. Feelings are ALWAYS there for a reason and they don’t take it well when you ignore them.
9. You will embarrass yourself, but so does everyone else: Okay, so I know I said I’d be rich if I had a nickel for every mistake I made, but I think cashing in on my embarrassing moments would get me further. I’m notorious for embarrassing myself. I’ve spent many a day wanting to crawl out of my own skin and hide under a rock. Unfortunately, the world is not that kind. Embarrassment always feels super lonely when it’s happening, but it does genuinely happen to everyone. The shelf life of embarrassment lowers, as you get older; it eventually becomes easier to brush off. Glass half full, am I right? You also learn to laugh at yourself. It’s better when you can laugh with everyone instead of being laughed at by everyone.
10. All work and no play makes for a very dull day: I’m a work—aholic; have been since I was 16 years old. It’s only gotten worse as I’ve gotten older. The pressures of real life kick in and it’s kind of like survival of the hardest working. Having time to reflect on high school and even college, I definitely have a little bit of regret. I was so focused on adulting, even as a teenager, that I missed out on a lot of experiences. I never really partied in high school or even college. Granted, I took part in a few college traditions, but I never fully became one with the whole atmosphere. Having a strong work ethic is important, but it’s not everything.
11. Never apologize for having standards: You have every right to have standards, especially when it comes to people. Standards like, honesty, hard working, and respectful. Life is about compromising, understandably, but there are things that should never be compromised. The only rule I find with standards is, never hold someone to standards you can’t maintain yourself. You deserve the world and shouldn’t be tormented for not wanting to accept anything less.
12. People will set expectations for you, but the ones that truly matter are your own: I’m 110% guilty of attempting to live up to the standards of others, even if they completely demolish my own. Within the last year I started to understand that I was neglecting my own expectations to appease others. Now, I’ve been doing this my whole life, partly because I’m a people pleaser and partly because I was terrified of disappointing everyone. I can think of SO many dreams, experiences, and chances that I didn’t pursue because it didn’t align with others. Again, don’t be like me. In the grand scheme of life, most of the people will probably be gone anyway or will probably be really happy just because you’re really happy. Your life is yours for a reason and if you can’t live up to your own expectations; who are you really living for?
13. Beauty standards are not one-size fits all: *insert hand-clapping emojis* Let’s continue with standards, shall we? I could talk about this for centuries, but I will keep it to the nitty gritty. Beauty “standards” are not real. They are obnoxious standards dreamed up by a ridiculous society routed in what one can only refer to as self-hatred. This is something I am very much still learning and I know it’s hard. So, I want everyone to know that you’re beautiful and you don’t need to live up to these so-called standards. I hope with the steps towards a more inclusive world comes more self-confidence and more self-love. Being real is beautiful. Real is the standard we should all be striving for.
14. When it’s love you’ll just know: I honestly don’t know how to explain this because love is one of those unexplainable sensations. But it’s overwhelming in the best way possible. It consumes you with happiness and everything just feels right. Someone will be there to catch you when you fall, support all of your decisions, fight with you until you laugh, and inspire you to be the best version of you.
15. Bullies will exist, but it’s always better on the high road: I was bullied a lot growing up in a variety of ways and I’ve even felt bullied as an adult. It’s always worked out better in the long run taking the high road. There have been SO many times I wanted to retaliate verbally or subtly or just doing something because I assumed it would make me feel better. But being bullied isn’t an excuse to bully someone. I’m a super guilty person, so the overtaking feeling of guilt would be 10 times worse than feeling bullied. Be the better person. Let them know that you’re too good to stand on the same level.
16. It’s okay to say no: This can go for so, SO many things. You could find yourself in a super uncomfortable situation or maybe you just need sometimes for yourself. Never, EVER feel guilty for not wanting to do something. This is something I’m still working on at 25 and like half the things I’ve learned in my lifetime, it’s easier said than done. But that doesn’t make it impossible. You should always feel like you have a choice and that choice should always be yours. No one else knows what’s right for you.
17. Read as many books as you can: Total transparency, I absolutely HATED reading as a kid. Fast forward a decade or so and I have a minor in English. Part of my hatred came from being forced and the other part came from not having a choice in what I read. I read when I have the time now, but I definitely feel like I’ve missed out on so much because of my hatred of books. There’s so much to explore and to learn from reading. If you grew up anything like me then you definitely heard all of this as a kid. I hate to admit how right everyone was, but when they’re right, they’re right.
18. Take every opportunity that presents itself: If something feels right take it without hesitation. Don’t let fear or insecurities or others standards keep you from opportunities. There have been plenty of opportunities I passed up because of one or all of those things. Part of me still beats myself up over them. At the time those opportunities didn’t seem as important as what was going on in my life and guess what. Those important things don’t exist anymore. I’m strongly advising everyone to not be like me and seize all the opportunities!
19. Crying doesn’t mean weakness: I rarely ever let anyone see me cry because I never want to seem weak. I’m really wrong for looking at tears as a sign of weakness. Tears mean a lot of things, but they most definitely do not mean weakness. It’s human nature to crumble a little bit and it’s okay to cry or scream or throw things. I may or may not have thrown a bagel at someone before and let me tell you it was all the cathartic energy I needed to release some emotions.
20. It’s okay to let go: I’ve never been good at letting go. A lot of that is routed in fear. Confession session: I was afraid of being alone. I was afraid I wouldn’t find friends who would accept me for me. I was afraid I would never meet another guy who genuinely loved me. Complete side tangent: You don’t need a man or a woman to complete you. You are a wonderful person just as you are. But with all that being said, it’s natural to be afraid and let your insecurities get the best of you. I made a very bold move a few years ago. I let go of something that meant the world to me and I’m here to tell you my world didn’t end. Things changed and it hurt, but it didn’t kill me. I pushed through my fears and finally realized I was holding on for the wrong reasons. I let myself figure out how to be okay with letting go and honestly it’s probably one of the greatest lessons I’ve learned.
21. You’ll evolve, as you get older: I’m 25 and still growing into my truest form. I was afraid of changing, are we surprised? Probably not, I have a lot of fears when it comes to life. I use to fight all of these changes because I thought I needed to be the same girl. That’s not how it works. Experiences, people, and even places start to shape who you are. You can’t fight that. The more you try to squeeze yourself into a self-made box the more you diminish who you are. I don’t know about any of you, but I’m excited to see who I’m going to be. I don’t want to be my own downfall.
22. Things will almost never turnout the way you plan: **Fingers crossed** quarantine season is finally coming to an end, sort of and if this pandemic has shown me anything it’s that you really can’t plan life. I had so much planned for this year and it’s all been pushed aside, which is totally fine, but I’d be lying if I said it weren’t a little disappointing. So, not being where I pictured myself feels disappointing to 16 year old me. But life is all about going with the flow and being patient. Things have a way of working themselves out; just have to put a little trust into it.
23. Take photos, because memories unfortunately fade: I am the WORST when it comes to photos. Where does that stem? My insecurities of course, and probably beauty standards, but I digress. I don’t like having my photos taken, but I wish that I didn’t let that get in the way. I grew up with some amazing people who always pushed me to take photos with them and I couldn’t be more thankful for all of those photos. I also have the WORST memory, so without photos I tend to forget experiences. So, from here on out I’m going to be my own hype man and push myself out of my own comfort zone. I’ll regret it in the moment, but I’ll be thankful in another 25 years.
24. Embrace what you’re passionate about: Somewhere along the lines of growing up and adulting I forgot what it meant to be passionate about something. I forgot how exhilarating it is to genuinely enjoy something. That’s why I’m a blogger because writing is so important to me and that’s why I started my podcast because I love getting to express myself in a new way. It makes me feel like me. So, I’m going in full force and hoping for the best. Either way I’m doing things that make me happy.
25. If you’re going to do anything for anyone, do it for you: This goes hand in hand with setting your own expectations. I’ve spent the last 25 years doing things for other people and I started to lose who I am. I want to live my life for me. I’m the one living with my choices, my experiences, and every other aspect. No one has the right to dictate how you live and if they’re trying to chances are you’re better without them. I want to be able to look back on my life and say that I lived it to the fullest for me.
The last 25 years have shaped me into the person I am today. So, I am raising a glass to this girl and cheersing to the next 25 years.
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