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Regret has been weighing heavy on my mind for the last few weeks. What better way to deal with it than to talk to all of you?
To start, I’d like to say there is nothing wrong with regret or experiencing regret. However, I recommend in the least bias way to read through this because I have some things to get off my chest. Are we ready?
I hope you have a fresh cup of coffee or some sort of beverage. Maybe some snacks. We might be here for a bit.
Re-gret /rəˈɡret/ is defined as a feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment over something that has happened or been done. Seems simple enough, but something about it has always felt difficult.
Regret feels like a controversial topic. Like most things in life, people have conflicting opinions on regret. They’re never just opinions either. When people are passionate about things, you can always tell. I’m all for expressing your passions and sharing your views. I think we can all learn a lot from each other. However, there are times when views feel aggressive. That my way or the highway kind of mindset. This is how I see it and you need to see it that way too kind of vibe. Let me just say, I’m a strong believer in everyone is entitled to their own opinions. You have every right to feel the way that you feel and live the way you want to live. With that being said, I’m going to share my opinions as well as explore other opinions that I may not be too keen on.
When I was younger my view of regret was naive. I couldn’t fathom how someone could regret something that they wanted at one point or another. I stood by that view through my teens and the first half of my twenties. I’ll be honest I didn’t want much as a teenager. Looking back, I can say now I never really wanted the things I thought I wanted anyway.
In my mid-twenties I’ve found new perspectives and a new respect for the concept of regret. Full discloser, I don’t feel like I’ve lived or experienced enough to have regrets. That’s not to say that I don’t have regrets. As I’m getting older and developing a better understanding of myself as well as the world around me; I’m learning what regret looks like for me. Believing that regret was one size fits all was a mistake I use to make. Like everything in life, regret is specific to your person. You might regret a haircut you had 5 years back and someone else might regret their career choice. Both are valid regrets. I used to think people would judge or misunderstand my regrets. First and foremost, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. My feelings, opinions, views, etc., are valid. It’s okay if others don’t agree with me. As long as there is mutual respect, I don’t need others to validate me. Once I accepted that it was easier to come to terms with my regrets.
We all have regrets! Whether those regrets are little, like a bad fashion decision as a kid. Lord knows I have an abundance of those. Or something on a larger scale, like a relationship, which is where our story today starts.
I’ve mentioned this before, but I did have a high school sweetheart. This relationship lasted for about 5 years and became toxic, vile, uncomfortable, insert favorite adjective here. One of the most asked questions has been, do you regret it?
I’ve always said no, and I do stand by that. However, I’ve learned a lot about myself in the last 4 years. Previously, I would have claimed that I couldn’t regret it because there was a point in time when I wanted it so badly. What I hadn’t been taking into consideration is the fact that people change. I don’t want that anymore and to be honest, I don’t want that for my younger self either. Now I know everyone says this, but if I could go back in time and tell my younger self one thing, I would tell her to let go. She is a stubborn girl, but she needs to know.
I don’t regret that relationship because I do believe that people come into your life to teach you something. It’s not just romantic relationships. It can be friendships, strangers you encounter, or even people that you’ve worked with. There’s a reason for everything, but I digress. I may not regret the relationship as a whole, but there are aspects that I do regret.
The biggest regret I have to date is allowing myself to pine for something that was causing much more pain emotionally as well as mentally than it was bringing happiness. I regret the way I treated myself. I let my vulnerability get the best of me. Instead of recognizing what was happening, I let myself stay in the dark. Which ultimately hurt me anyway.
I also regret relying heavily on my friends. It’s great to be able to talk to your friends, but when you’re all mutual friends it gets messy. No one wins in a he said she said situation, let me tell you. It’s much better to keep those things private. A lesson well learned. I hope all those friends are doing well!
About a week and a half ago, I was drinking wine with one of my good friends. I casually brought up the topic of regret. Once we started talking, he asked me if I regret my relationship because he doesn’t get all the information you guys do. You guys are my real best friends, especially if you’re subscribed. I said yes without hesitation. His face switched to judgment quickly and he rarely judges something I say so quickly. I was taken aback by my response as well as my response time. I corrected myself because like I just mention I don’t regret the whole thing just aspects. But I did realize how much confidence I’ve gained when it comes to accepting my regrets. It was liberating.
Not every experience is going to feel worth it in the end. That’s okay. We make choices based on a lot of factors. A lot of those factors can be emotionally driven. Never feel shame for regretting choices you’ve made, especially the ones that are made with genuine feeling. Changing physically, mentally, and emotionally are part of becoming who we are. We’re also not perfect. We’ll make mistakes. We’ll even regret some of those mistakes. It’s all part of being human.
Don’t feel like you need to regret things in life. Or maybe regret a lot of things in life. I’m not here to judge or tell you how to live your life. I am here to tell you to live it proudly however you choose.
Never regret who you are because you’re pretty freakin great!
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