I don’t do well with people telling me what to do or how to do something. That’s not to say that I’m not open to opinions (everyone is entitled to them) or advice (unsolicited or otherwise), but I believe there is a fine line between dictating and the blurred area where opinions and advice reside. I often feel like people don’t notice when they start to become more forceful than opinionated.
Personally, when I feel something is being forced on me, whether it’s someone or their opinions, I become more introverted. It’s almost like a self-defense mechanism. Like I said, I don’t mind people’s opinions or advice. Being passionate and creative invites open conversations and with that you have to be willing to accept as well as respect others opinions/advice. I love being able to bounce ideas off of people and have a better understanding. It’s honestly where some of my better work comes from. However, when people cross into an area of dictation with a know-it-all mindset I shutdown. I believe this is for two reasons:
1. I don’t like to hurt people’s feelings or creating conflict where conflict does not need to exist. I don’t think I’m not entitled to my opinions, but I’d rather feel hurt than hurt someone else.
2. When others are telling me how my life should be going or what I should be doing, I start to second-guess myself. I get anxious and uncomfortable, so I simply fold into myself. This kind of advice tends to come from people who are very much on the outside looking in. These people also have a closed mindset. This way is the only way, the right way.
With that being said, if people wanted to partake in a more open-minded conversation I’m all for it.
I come from a HUGE family and there is a lot of varying career choices. Some overlap, but mine doesn’t. I’m the black sheep of my family. I’ve chosen an uncharted career path and for me it’s very exciting. I found my passion at a young age and have stuck with it. However, my family always has to voice their opinions/advice. I respect as well as appreciate everything they want to offer, but they are very forceful humans. I have family members that like to ask me about what I’m doing and what my ultimate goals are. That I adore! I like when people inquire about what I’m doing and how I’m making my goals work. Cause this girls got goals for days. On the other hand I have family members who think they know everything, most frustrating thing in the world.
Part of me needs to believe these close-minded people come from good intentions. These are people who have a good twenty years on me. They’ve survived their twenties. They just want to share experiences and life lessons, which I’m all for. I love hearing other peoples’ experiences and some of the harder lessons they’ve learned along the way. But again, experiences as well as life lessons are not one size fits all. The opinions/advice are appreciated, until they stop being just that.
Aside from people forcing their opinions and advice, people can also force themselves. By this I mean: consensual relationships of any sort. I’m thinking in more of an emotional/mental basis as oppose to a physical one. It’s always exciting when we meet someone that we vibe with, but sometimes that vibe can be stronger for one person than the other. There’s nothing wrong with that, until the one with the stronger vibe tries forcing a vibe. What’s wrong with letting a vibe naturally form?
There are a couple of people currently doing this to me and their reasons vary. There’s one person in my life doing it in an almost competitive manner. I don’t know if she feels left out that we’ve never really connected in the 2 & half years that I’ve known her or she just has something to prove to every one else. She blames me without really blaming me, if that makes sense. She tells me that I’m just too guarded for her liking, which is true. I’m a very guarded and cautious person, but I’d like to think I’m not hard to get along with. This person has a way of talking to you and making you feel small. I like to give her the benefit of the doubt. I always find ways to justify her word choices, but this doesn’t invite a comfortable vibe. The more she pushes the more uncomfortable I get. It feels like she has an ulterior motive, but again benefit of the doubt. I’m hoping she’ll realize I’m much more open voluntarily when I don’t feel cornered.
There’s another person in my life that is doing something similar, but it feels less malicious (for lack of a better word). She was a good friend of mine, in my life and then out of it and she’s back again. So she does know me, but it’s been a handful of years. I’ve grown a lot in that time period and I’d be lying if I said some things haven’t changed. We both agreed to reacquaint our friendship. However, she can be a very forceful person in a sensitive way. She’s impatient and she always second-guesses herself, which I understand to a point. I’m a very busy person. I’m constantly working, always on the move, and those who know me call me the Flash (please leave cape ideas below). I’ll admit it! I am the worst texter and the worst person to attempt to make plans with. I always offer up my free time whenever I can. I will always, always put my friends or families plans before my own, even if I haven’t had a day off (or to myself) in 14 days. I will still put my energy into everyone else. She gets this on a level, but she can still be very aggressive when it comes to plans or replies. I do the best that I can. Could I be better? Absolutely! But I am doing the best that I can. It’s a huge turnoff for me when people text incessantly, especially when they know you’re in the middle of work. I’m trying to give her the benefit of the doubt because I think this is another one of those good intention things, but I hope she realizes how she’s making me feel. Only time will tell.
As outsiders looking in it’s always easy to offer opinions as well as advice, but it isn’t always as helpful as it’s intended to be. This isn’t me saying that you should keep those opinions and advice to yourself, the complete opposite actually. Sharing is caring, but don’t set up camp in the blurred area where opinion and advice reside. Keep in mind that things have to happen naturally. Never force anything: love, friendships, life goals, etc. Whatever will be will be.